Friday, October 22, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Other parents have endured far more serious medical conditions, but as a mom my heart breaks for my kids in this situation and my grandson in his tiny plastic crate. My prayer is for a quick ending to the hospital trial and for the crazy chaotic adventure of parenting a newborn to begin. O Lord may your healing mercy fall quickly and your comforting grace abound. Strengthen and encourage my dear ones. Keep their hearts strong and their gaze fixed on you.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Today I have a son who is getting to know his new baby boy; caring for his wife and trusting his God for their tomorrows. Another is grieving the loss of a college friend, and wondering why the answers don't match the questions.
How life and death can walk so hand in hand is one of the great mysteries of God; and a wrestling match of emotions for this weary mom.
Sovereignty is a doctrinal certainty, this I know. But it is by faith alone, that I can begin to believe.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
"The simplicity that is in Christ." 2 Corinthians 11:3
Simplicity is the secret of seeing things clearly. A saint does not think clearly for a long while, but a saint ought to see clearly without any difficulty. You cannot think a spiritual muddle clear, you have to obey it clear. In intellectual matters you can think things out, but in spiritual matters you will think yourself into cotton wool. If there is something upon which God has put His pressure, obey in that matter, bring your imagination into captivity to the obedience of Christ with regard to it and everything will become as clear as daylight. The reasoning capacity comes afterwards, but we never see along that line, we see like children; when we try to be wise we see nothing (Matthew 11:25).
The tiniest thing we allow in our lives that is not under the control of the Holy Spirit is quite sufficient to account for spiritual muddle, and all the thinking we like to spend on it will never make it clear. Spiritual muddle is only made plain by obedience. Immediately we obey, we discern. This is humiliating, because when we are muddled we know the reason is in the temper of our mind. When the natural power of vision is devoted to the Holy Spirit, it becomes the power of perceiving God's will and the whole life is kept in simplicity.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
How tempting to view my sins of heart as less offensive to God than the outward and visible. Much of my life before Christ revolved around FLESH choices; laying them down and walking in purity of body and mind brought great and evident change into my life. And even today old desires, and some new ones sneak into my heart and and tap at the door of my soul seeking to gain entrance into my heart and daily walk. Mostly they are bold and brassy and catch my attention before they arrive at the gate.
Oh but the sins of the heart...those sneaky, evil, worms of self-righteousness, self pity, LAZINESS, complaining, ingratitude, impatience, prides judgmental attitude, self, self, self. How they do flourish blossom and bloom, large and vibrant, without my notice or care.
Today as every day I must choose by and through the grace of my Jesus to lay down ME and rise up in and for HIM. Please Lord Jesus let me not take what you have given me to heart or self but pour it out on You and Yours.
After reading Sept 3 from My Upmost for His Highest
2 Samue23; l6 Nevertheless, he would not drink thereof but poured it out unto the Lord
Sunday, August 29, 2010
day one at the fair; done
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Fortunately I have countless photos from our recent annual trip north I can most likely entertain for a little while.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Grace does rain new every morning; I count on that or would never get out of bed.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Today seemed harder than most. Not sure why really. Could be a combination or my bad attitude, feeling seriously allergy afflicted, high fatigue level, normal teen angst, and busy baby boys. Seems like typical day in the life to me. The above pictures demonstrate the joys and laughter that fills my life. I think what wearies my is my lack of ability to grasp contentment. I lack nothing. I am completely blessed and free in life and in death. Still way too often I give in to resentment and self pity wishing for a different easier life. Shame on me...
O Sweet Jesus give me Your Joy, Your Contentment, Your Patience and Courage to wake up tomorrow knowing You are carrying my heavy burden. Release me from the snare of self so I might fully give my all to You and Yours.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
will be continued after I drain the macaroni and serve dinner
Dinner was served and enjoyed. Sort of pulled it out of my magic dinner hat. Started with turkey kielbasa and some diced onions; a little bullion, peas, mushrooms, corn, a few black beans some pasta, salsa, and some shredded cheese ended up looking like a recipe meal. Maybe I should call that hat a miracle dinner hat. Meals are a constant challenge for me; the planning ahead, remembering to make sure I have what I need, mustering the energy to do the prep work, and getting everything hot and cooked through and on the table all at the same time.
That being said, every day is a new adventure and God continues to meet me at the foot of my mountains and my molehills. Started too late to expound much more. Split the boys tonight; Bev has Kaleb at her house with Chloe and DA is snoring snuggled up under his John Deere quilt. Jer in bed; Drew snoring beside me. Peace reigns...well except for Fox News blaring on the television. I'm half afraid to turn it off...peace may end cause Drew can "watch" it while snoring...
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Big brother Kaleb and DA have been living with Jer, Drew, and I since baby sister was born, where previously our baby boys split their time between Bev's and our place. When we began this adventure I don't think any of us adults ever imagined it would become a long term endeavor. We believed Allen would spend sometime in jail, realize he had messed up and become a grownup and a Dad. Unfortuanely for adults and young boys alike, such was not the case. We became grandPARENTS, and two little boys lost their daddy. Mommy too, but she was never an intricate part of their lives. And now we have Chloe. What does it all mean?
Possibly God is calling all of us to a more intimate relationship with Him so that we are better able to discern and pursue with diligence the overwhelming job He has called us to.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
The Gatlin Brothers; 1985ish
The words keep reeling through my mind, not sure why. Could have been the memorial service I attended today; an uncle I had not seen in years, true, his family once a huge part of my life. How easily we slip back into conversation, to relationships neglected but not defunct. Praise God for such dear ones, and how easily we can reconnect; of maybe just tap into a connection still strong but not often accessed. I end this day full to overflow with a sense of life and love and loss so powerful it aches to draw a breath. Not seeking sympathy, empathy maybe; knowing we all share in the human frailty and fragility of all we hold dear. Today, giving me reminder that outside my immediate life circle there is a broader sense of family connection given by my generous Father, to which I need hold to a little faster and remember a little oftener. Thank Sweet Jesus for a long hard day. I needed it.
Though this song reflects on a lover lost I think the words can be taken a bit deeper. Hold fast to all you hold dear and drink deep of the well of life; the bitter and the sweet and rich will be your days.
What will we do now? You tell me
The hourglass is all out of sand
How could love slip through our fingers
And leave nothin' but time on our hands?
And how will we live now? You tell me
With parts of our hearts torn away
Just existing makes dyin' look easy
But maybe tomorrowI've done enough dyin' today
And how will I sleep now? You tell me
With only my arm my by side
Perhaps I'll learn sleepin' all over
And just maybe without dreamin' this time
And who'll make you laugh now? You tell me
Since you sent your clown on his way
I don't think I'll cry, just die laughin'
But maybe tomorrow I've done enough dyin' today
And how will we live now? You tell me
With parts of our hearts torn away
Just existing makes dyin' look awful easy
But maybe tomorrow I've done enough dyin' today
Monday, May 03, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Doing much better. born with methadone in her system she has suffered serious withdrawal symptoms. Respiratory troubles, irritability, and various others. She was placed on morphine after five days and began to improve after a few days. Currently her morphine is gradually being weaned down and she is taking a bottle with earnest. God is bringing healing quickly as was my prayer; that she blow away the professionals leaving room for Glory to God alone. More details should follow, but know me; no promises.
Friday, March 26, 2010
For me so much new and exciting life seems to be just around the corner of time. Of course my philosophy of living Today completely and fully; energetically and with anticipation make it difficult to imagine More.
Two new babies; one coming any day; one not until autumn certainly mean More life. 'Ammy is quite exited about these impending births. The first could be deemed a tragedy or travesty if viewed from the wrong perspective. Every birth and new life is a miracle blessing from a loving God. But Baby Girl Kimmel will enter this world having both her parents enrolled in the PA penal system having plans to remain so incarcerated for several years. With both anticipation and anxiety we grandparents wait. Knowing God has planned this little life and placed her in our family evokes humility and awe.
Fear, not of God, sprouts from its ugly seed creating stubby bamboo like stumps designed for the tripping over. Need to go and read all the "but Gods" and "therefores" in the Bible and brush up on my knowledge and understanding of how able and ready my Lord is to bring triumph out of travesty. I know this to be true, Lord help me own it in my soul; again.
Our second little life arrives as the leaves turn and with temperatures moderate, maybe close to her "Ammy's birthday, which would be extra sweet. Oops, I said her, that is an unknown. Her parents, oops again, are working hard to create a safe and God-centered home, warm and comfy, full of love and laughter. My joy and pride are without limits.
Both babies will need a Savior, A God who is able to redeem and purchase their lives for eternity. So grateful am I that such a Savior Lives. He will provide for babies, parents, and grandparents all that they need to nurture and raise this next generation.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The authors of the Constitution were not saints or even all Christians as some conservative advocates would have us believe. But, they were men who passionately believed in a form of government that would serve an energetic young land; in a form or government that would/could stand the test to time. The language used is both very specific and purposely general so that it could bend with the season but not change with the times.
What we see now is a change so drastic that I believe the parchment is not only cracked but broken. Beyond repair? Only God knows. Confident in His plan, I am confident of my future. But the future of the United States of America, for that I am pierced with an aching loss, knowing as a Nation we have lost our most treasured of freedoms; the guarantee of a voice in our government.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I wish I had the energy to tell the story of my 10pm ditch digging the other night in my PJ's. Barn floor flooded, sufice it to say I am VERY glad no one had a camera in the area.. thanks so much for the kind words about my last blog entry. So near to my heart are my boys. So proud of the grown ones, so excited to see what God is going to do in the lives of the youngers...
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Gotta love those cell phone pictures. What a pair. Two little monkeys...not jumping in the bed while Grandma Bev is watching at least. I mean do they look like they would cause anyone any trouble at all ?
Do they remind me of two other little boys I knew once. Oh my yes. The older the spitting image of his father and the younger, in body style and shape very similar to his Uncle Ben. Best friends, worst enemies; a dynamic duo like no other. Once upon a time I nicknamed them the last Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer. Country boys from sunup to sunset. Wanderers, hunters, climbers, swamp rats even. Bread and lunch meat, BB gun, a couple pocket knives; a whole day stretched ahead created for adventure and conquest. Secrets shares and dreams lived out fearlessly with great passion. Innocence and evil lurking and living with a gusto not even imagined by the adults charged with their care. Bound by the heart entwined in spirit, forever brothers; forever friends.
The two in the bed, what will they share? How will they fill their days? The times they have 'a changed. The world the brothers inhabit is spun just a bit tighter, and adventure is often found in a digital fantasy; where play is controlled by a thumb and adventures are built one imaginary level at a time. My prayer is that dust will tint their fair blond hair. and mud, will be ground into their denim pants. I dream for them of conquests deep in the woods that they alone will own, of secrets and naughty times laced with the innocence of youth and bound up in the passion of family love.
My dreams are big, but so is my God, and He will direct their paths.
Monday, March 01, 2010
"What is the thing that not only disturbs you but makes you a disturbance? It is always something you can not deal with yourself. (Luke 18:14) Persist in the disturbance until you get face to face with the Lord Himself; do no deify common sense. When Jesus asks us what we want Him to do for us in regard to an incredible thing with which we are faced, remember He does not work in common sense ways, but in supernatural ways...If it is not an impossible thing, it is not a real disturbance. God will do the absolutely impossible...When once we see Jesus, He does the thing as natural as breathing. Our agony comes through willful stupidity of our own hearts. We wont believe, we wont cut the shoreline, we prefer to worry on."
Oh Lord, forgive my willful stupidity. Give me the faith and courage to be a disturbance for those I hold most dear.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
A picture of an old friend, but one who was a friend for only a short time. browsing through photos hoping to find a writing inspiration as if this morning's Chambers" reading was not worthy of comment...it was, very much so. So much so that I wrote it all day in my head. Now, seems like work, and maybe requiring more thinking energy than I have for this late in the day. As it always seems, I have some profound thought/s I can hardly wait to share with the waiting world only to weary of the work of it all.
Now this mare, she was a fine woman. Strong, vital, energetic, willing, but all the while expecting you to prove yourself worthy of her labor. I myself never rode up on her sturdy back. She came to stay while I was grounded from a larger fall; breaking my collar bone and confidence for a long season. I watched her work, carry others around; proudly, confidently, with purpose and dignity. For only a few short months she lived in my barn and under care. Somehow she slipped away one early afternoon in an equine hospital in Ohio.
It was a sad, very sad event in my life. Did I miss a sign? Was my lack of experience at the time a factor in Ginger's tragic death? My friends and the experts all say it was just one of those things. A fluke. Did I get to see the hand of God, or witness His Wisdom Unfathomable? NO! Not then and not now. Do I proclaim is Goodness, YES, as I always will. Do I understand? No again, but I am so in love with Him and confident in His Greater love for me that the answer does not need to be found in this life. I rest in Him.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I feel like I should be singing the song from Fiddler on the Roof; Sunrise Sunset. Swiftly do the years pass. And yet, each day is filled with all the meat and cheese of life. Filling, satisfying, frustrating, terrifying. Wonderful, amazing; Gift of God.
Embracing each new dawn hoping to catch even a glint of the Plan Eternal, peering around the curtain anticipating assignment to even the most menial of tasks; knowing that His Kingdom will come and His Will shall be done. Hallelujah I have been awarded a part in the Holy Pageant.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Still, somewhat hazardous, initially travel was slow. Frozen snow and ice clumps rattled the our innards and reminded us of the highways of western PA. Normally by North Carolina we should be experiencing warmer temps and a few posies at the rest areas...
Guess its getting late. Will have to continue my lament tomorrow. Began the process of packing while watching HOUSE reruns and my new guilty pleasure "24"
Just got word my travelers landed safely in Pittsburgh. Now they have to get their bags, drag them through the snow, try and find a Tahoe under a mountain of frozen white. Hopefully the roads will not cause them too much trouble.
Friday, January 29, 2010
whole day of not doing much of anything...tomorrow will be different. Needed today I think, at least that is what dear friends and family kept telling me, as I sat around and did nothing rather well. I think I have even let my fire go out in the wood burner.
Tomorrow I have to plan, pack, pray...not in that order necessarily. I have began to get a few details lined up, but time to ramp up and put 'er in gear. Weather has been fair in the Sunshine state, not amazing. But, I do promise ahead of time not to complain about the cool 50* temps or whine about the cloudy weather. I am sure I will be blessed for that be grateful...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Bundled up and ready for anything. It was chilly but our guys are real troopers. Even after playing, fighting, and chasing the cat, they were still willing, sorta, to pose for these pictures. Getting the two of them together looking happy and still can be a task. Good thing for digital photography cause I deleted quite a few. Course they were from my phone camera. Notice the muddy boots. Gotta love dirty farm boys. I have decided that toddlers are like puppies; one is a blast, a great deal of work, but fun to watch, to enjoy playtime, and the silly antics of the small and cute. BUT TWO, oh my...they are over the top. What a weighty gift. The responsibility, the laundry, the poopie butts, the endless serving of mac n cheese. Yes, they may make a mess, or many messes, pee on the new carpet, but what the heck the Stanley Steamer guy needs the work. The smiles are endless and joy immeasurable. No mom, no Grammy, no Grandma, would ever trade jobs with anyone. Thanks dear baby boys for keeping my life adventure exciting and oh so blessed.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Bev and I spent some time talking today. We are definitely in agreement on the "this is sure stressful" part of the "what to do with a baby girl" conversation. those quotation marks are kinda senseless, sorry. It is past ten. should have written instead of watching Law n Order.
My anxiety level has been elevated. I should make up a color coded level chart like the terror alert to give the family a heads up before they enter the house. I could hang a banner over the back door so they knew how much armor do don before coming inside. I am not sure if it is something physical from my thyroid issues, regular old anxiety disorder, or perhaps a bit situational. Or perhaps a mix of all three. I considered calling a doctor today but wasn't sure which one, so I decided to wait on a sign from God. Picked up the phone and it was a recorded message from the shrinks office reminding me of an appointment I had forgotten, tomorrow morning....Guess we will start there. God's mercy abounds and He is a present help in time of need.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Winter seems to have set in kinda serious like. The view from where I am sitting is white and gray with a few brown undertones. More snow is foretold to be on its way into the area; soon.
I have missed writing and felt the push to get back at it. My time and brain function do not seem to follow the same schedule. Even now nap time is calling loudly. But the house is quiet, even the dogs are not make annoying dog noises, licking, chewing, snorting, scratching. Two large dogs can produce a symphony of annoyances. I cannot believe I spelled that correctly the first time. Spellchecked twice and no apparent glitches. Thoughts are a bit random. Yep they are.
Another Allen and Stacey baby is on the way; a baby girl is to be born mid to late April. The blessed parents are incarcerated, again. History thought to be a great teacher, supposing the student is attentive, seems to be repeating itself. Perhaps one would be tempted to inquire of this writer what the plans are. We are waiting for God to reveal that in a blaze of fire in the sky. Cause at this point no one here has a clue. I am confident there is a Plan, and it will be revealed; but my feeble selfish mind and heart cannot see past their own brick wall of denial. Groaning prayers are offered up knowing God's Glory will be revealed in my weakness.
Alas, I love using that word in literary works, potty and bed are winning this battle. But I did write, albeit, weakly.