Do not grow weary

The way it should be done

Two boys a high lift and a horse

Ice cream in bed at the Hampton

What to do when weary will not depart? Been reading Oswald Chambers again and I wish I could find my old hardback copy with old notes and musings in the margins. I have to wonder if I have made any progress or am still muddling around in the shallow waters. He leaves no room for excuses or worried fussing.
Today seemed harder than most. Not sure why really. Could be a combination or my bad attitude, feeling seriously allergy afflicted, high fatigue level, normal teen angst, and busy baby boys. Seems like typical day in the life to me. The above pictures demonstrate the joys and laughter that fills my life. I think what wearies my is my lack of ability to grasp contentment. I lack nothing. I am completely blessed and free in life and in death. Still way too often I give in to resentment and self pity wishing for a different easier life. Shame on me...
O Sweet Jesus give me Your Joy, Your Contentment, Your Patience and Courage to wake up tomorrow knowing You are carrying my heavy burden. Release me from the snare of self so I might fully give my all to You and Yours.

Take My Life

This is my new theme song...

Why I Love My Life

will be continued after I drain the macaroni and serve dinner

Dinner was served and enjoyed. Sort of pulled it out of my magic dinner hat. Started with turkey kielbasa and some diced onions; a little bullion, peas, mushrooms, corn, a few black beans some pasta, salsa, and some shredded cheese ended up looking like a recipe meal. Maybe I should call that hat a miracle dinner hat. Meals are a constant challenge for me; the planning ahead, remembering to make sure I have what I need, mustering the energy to do the prep work, and getting everything hot and cooked through and on the table all at the same time.

That being said, every day is a new adventure and God continues to meet me at the foot of my mountains and my molehills. Started too late to expound much more. Split the boys tonight; Bev has Kaleb at her house with Chloe and DA is snoring snuggled up under his John Deere quilt. Jer in bed; Drew snoring beside me. Peace reigns...well except for Fox News blaring on the television. I'm half afraid to turn it off...peace may end cause Drew can "watch" it while snoring...

If it is writing you want

meet Chloe...previous pictures posted may have been a bit more flattering and also more true to her normal disposition. Usually a happy pleasant baby, this photo was captured in one of her weaker moments. Still pretty darn cute though. She has been spending most of her days and nights with Grandma Bev. But she comes to visit her big brothers with 'Amma, and we all enjoy those afternoons and evenings.

Big brother Kaleb and DA have been living with Jer, Drew, and I since baby sister was born, where previously our baby boys split their time between Bev's and our place. When we began this adventure I don't think any of us adults ever imagined it would become a long term endeavor. We believed Allen would spend sometime in jail, realize he had messed up and become a grownup and a Dad. Unfortuanely for adults and young boys alike, such was not the case. We became grandPARENTS, and two little boys lost their daddy. Mommy too, but she was never an intricate part of their lives. And now we have Chloe. What does it all mean?

Possibly God is calling all of us to a more intimate relationship with Him so that we are better able to discern and pursue with diligence the overwhelming job He has called us to.

good friends

I've Done Enough Dyin Today

The Gatlin Brothers; 1985ish

The words keep reeling through my mind, not sure why. Could have been the memorial service I attended today; an uncle I had not seen in years, true, his family once a huge part of my life. How easily we slip back into conversation, to relationships neglected but not defunct. Praise God for such dear ones, and how easily we can reconnect; of maybe just tap into a connection still strong but not often accessed. I end this day full to overflow with a sense of life and love and loss so powerful it aches to draw a breath. Not seeking sympathy, empathy maybe; knowing we all share in the human frailty and fragility of all we hold dear. Today, giving me reminder that outside my immediate life circle there is a broader sense of family connection given by my generous Father, to which I need hold to a little faster and remember a little oftener. Thank Sweet Jesus for a long hard day. I needed it.

Though this song reflects on a lover lost I think the words can be taken a bit deeper. Hold fast to all you hold dear and drink deep of the well of life; the bitter and the sweet and rich will be your days.

What will we do now? You tell me
The hourglass is all out of sand
How could love slip through our fingers
And leave nothin' but time on our hands?
And how will we live now? You tell me
With parts of our hearts torn away
Just existing makes dyin' look easy
But maybe tomorrowI've done enough dyin' today

And how will I sleep now? You tell me
With only my arm my by side
Perhaps I'll learn sleepin' all over
And just maybe without dreamin' this time
And who'll make you laugh now? You tell me
Since you sent your clown on his way
I don't think I'll cry, just die laughin'
But maybe tomorrow I've done enough dyin' today

And how will we live now? You tell me
With parts of our hearts torn away
Just existing makes dyin' look awful easy
But maybe tomorrow I've done enough dyin' today

Four Weeks Friday

So here she is four weeks old; plus a few days. 7lbs and oz or two. Changing quickly every day.

Baby Chloe Born Good Friday

Doing much better. born with methadone in her system she has suffered serious withdrawal symptoms. Respiratory troubles, irritability, and various others. She was placed on morphine after five days and began to improve after a few days. Currently her morphine is gradually being weaned down and she is taking a bottle with earnest. God is bringing healing quickly as was my prayer; that she blow away the professionals leaving room for Glory to God alone. More details should follow, but know me; no promises.

14

Just noticed I have already posted half as many entries so far this year as all of 2009. Has to be better year.

Life Looms

For me so much new and exciting life seems to be just around the corner of time. Of course my philosophy of living Today completely and fully; energetically and with anticipation make it difficult to imagine More.

Two new babies; one coming any day; one not until autumn certainly mean More life. 'Ammy is quite exited about these impending births. The first could be deemed a tragedy or travesty if viewed from the wrong perspective. Every birth and new life is a miracle blessing from a loving God. But Baby Girl Kimmel will enter this world having both her parents enrolled in the PA penal system having plans to remain so incarcerated for several years. With both anticipation and anxiety we grandparents wait. Knowing God has planned this little life and placed her in our family evokes humility and awe.

Fear, not of God, sprouts from its ugly seed creating stubby bamboo like stumps designed for the tripping over. Need to go and read all the "but Gods" and "therefores" in the Bible and brush up on my knowledge and understanding of how able and ready my Lord is to bring triumph out of travesty. I know this to be true, Lord help me own it in my soul; again.

Our second little life arrives as the leaves turn and with temperatures moderate, maybe close to her "Ammy's birthday, which would be extra sweet. Oops, I said her, that is an unknown. Her parents, oops again, are working hard to create a safe and God-centered home, warm and comfy, full of love and laughter. My joy and pride are without limits.

Both babies will need a Savior, A God who is able to redeem and purchase their lives for eternity. So grateful am I that such a Savior Lives. He will provide for babies, parents, and grandparents all that they need to nurture and raise this next generation.

Health Care No Thank You

I am disturbed by the impending vote in the US House of Representatives. Though it has been years since I have studied the Constitution, it was an attempted minor during one of my stabs at a college degree I am appalled at the shedding it has been exposed to of late. And tonight if this bill becomes law; it will not longer be the "Law of the Land", but will become merely a few paragraphs in a Jr. High American History text and no more. If I believed in the current bill and saw it as a potential law of moral value and consequence I would even yet cry out against the abhorrent process it will have taken to become law.

The authors of the Constitution were not saints or even all Christians as some conservative advocates would have us believe. But, they were men who passionately believed in a form of government that would serve an energetic young land; in a form or government that would/could stand the test to time. The language used is both very specific and purposely general so that it could bend with the season but not change with the times.

What we see now is a change so drastic that I believe the parchment is not only cracked but broken. Beyond repair? Only God knows. Confident in His plan, I am confident of my future. But the future of the United States of America, for that I am pierced with an aching loss, knowing as a Nation we have lost our most treasured of freedoms; the guarantee of a voice in our government.

New Computer

Nothing exciting, 'cept for a new computer. Little mini Dell. I like the lightweight, but the keyboard will take some getting used to; of course it is bigger than the keyboard on my blackberry...which I am still getting used to. No pictures on here either so this will be a boring post.
I wish I had the energy to tell the story of my 10pm ditch digging the other night in my PJ's. Barn floor flooded, sufice it to say I am VERY glad no one had a camera in the area.. thanks so much for the kind words about my last blog entry. So near to my heart are my boys. So proud of the grown ones, so excited to see what God is going to do in the lives of the youngers...

two boys in a bed

Gotta love those cell phone pictures. What a pair. Two little monkeys...not jumping in the bed while Grandma Bev is watching at least. I mean do they look like they would cause anyone any trouble at all ?
Do they remind me of two other little boys I knew once. Oh my yes. The older the spitting image of his father and the younger, in body style and shape very similar to his Uncle Ben. Best friends, worst enemies; a dynamic duo like no other. Once upon a time I nicknamed them the last Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer. Country boys from sunup to sunset. Wanderers, hunters, climbers, swamp rats even. Bread and lunch meat, BB gun, a couple pocket knives; a whole day stretched ahead created for adventure and conquest. Secrets shares and dreams lived out fearlessly with great passion. Innocence and evil lurking and living with a gusto not even imagined by the adults charged with their care. Bound by the heart entwined in spirit, forever brothers; forever friends.
The two in the bed, what will they share? How will they fill their days? The times they have 'a changed. The world the brothers inhabit is spun just a bit tighter, and adventure is often found in a digital fantasy; where play is controlled by a thumb and adventures are built one imaginary level at a time. My prayer is that dust will tint their fair blond hair. and mud, will be ground into their denim pants. I dream for them of conquests deep in the woods that they alone will own, of secrets and naughty times laced with the innocence of youth and bound up in the passion of family love.
My dreams are big, but so is my God, and He will direct their paths.

read feb 29 not march 1,,,oops

the upmost for his highest: Oswald Chambers Feb 29

"What is the thing that not only disturbs you but makes you a disturbance? It is always something you can not deal with yourself. (Luke 18:14) Persist in the disturbance until you get face to face with the Lord Himself; do no deify common sense. When Jesus asks us what we want Him to do for us in regard to an incredible thing with which we are faced, remember He does not work in common sense ways, but in supernatural ways...If it is not an impossible thing, it is not a real disturbance. God will do the absolutely impossible...When once we see Jesus, He does the thing as natural as breathing. Our agony comes through willful stupidity of our own hearts. We wont believe, we wont cut the shoreline, we prefer to worry on."

Oh Lord, forgive my willful stupidity. Give me the faith and courage to be a disturbance for those I hold most dear.

memories not forgotten

A picture of an old friend, but one who was a friend for only a short time. browsing through photos hoping to find a writing inspiration as if this morning's Chambers" reading was not worthy of comment...it was, very much so. So much so that I wrote it all day in my head. Now, seems like work, and maybe requiring more thinking energy than I have for this late in the day. As it always seems, I have some profound thought/s I can hardly wait to share with the waiting world only to weary of the work of it all.

Now this mare, she was a fine woman. Strong, vital, energetic, willing, but all the while expecting you to prove yourself worthy of her labor. I myself never rode up on her sturdy back. She came to stay while I was grounded from a larger fall; breaking my collar bone and confidence for a long season. I watched her work, carry others around; proudly, confidently, with purpose and dignity. For only a few short months she lived in my barn and under care. Somehow she slipped away one early afternoon in an equine hospital in Ohio.

It was a sad, very sad event in my life. Did I miss a sign? Was my lack of experience at the time a factor in Ginger's tragic death? My friends and the experts all say it was just one of those things. A fluke. Did I get to see the hand of God, or witness His Wisdom Unfathomable? NO! Not then and not now. Do I proclaim is Goodness, YES, as I always will. Do I understand? No again, but I am so in love with Him and confident in His Greater love for me that the answer does not need to be found in this life. I rest in Him.

These are the good 'ole days

Kaleb and Jeremiah almost three years ago

I feel like I should be singing the song from Fiddler on the Roof; Sunrise Sunset. Swiftly do the years pass. And yet, each day is filled with all the meat and cheese of life. Filling, satisfying, frustrating, terrifying. Wonderful, amazing; Gift of God.
Embracing each new dawn hoping to catch even a glint of the Plan Eternal, peering around the curtain anticipating assignment to even the most menial of tasks; knowing that His Kingdom will come and His Will shall be done. Hallelujah I have been awarded a part in the Holy Pageant.

Pilgrimage North

Left sunny Florida on time, just after 9 am. Course, we left our guest house, villa if you may, at 9. Were in Florida a few more hours. Continued north through Georgia and into South Carolina. Now snuggled into a Holiday Inn Express in Columbia SC, I am so ready for sleep. Tomorrow looks to be a long day. We hope to get as far north as possible knowing the weather is ready and waiting to slow our travel. I know this is short but am travel weary. Missing my baby boys I am sad to leave the sun behind but anxious to feel sweet chubby arms around my neck.

This One's for You Vic...

I have not been the blogger I should be, and I am real sorry about that. We have had a busy week here in the Sunshine State...not so sunny since we have been here. I keep telling myself and everyone else that "I am not complaining", but that is most likely not so true. I mean we drove all the way down here, rushing out of the house a half a day early, driving deep into the night to stay ahead of the snow; only to be forced off the road and into a Hampton Inn sometime around 4:00am, sleeping only a few short hours before we headed south again. We did wake to find the highway closed due to snowy conditions which caused several accidents, at least two involving tractor trailers. The delay allowed me a morning nap and Drew the chance to do what he does, phone calls, and Fox news watching.

Still, somewhat hazardous, initially travel was slow. Frozen snow and ice clumps rattled the our innards and reminded us of the highways of western PA. Normally by North Carolina we should be experiencing warmer temps and a few posies at the rest areas...

Guess its getting late. Will have to continue my lament tomorrow. Began the process of packing while watching HOUSE reruns and my new guilty pleasure "24"

Just got word my travelers landed safely in Pittsburgh. Now they have to get their bags, drag them through the snow, try and find a Tahoe under a mountain of frozen white. Hopefully the roads will not cause them too much trouble.

off your butt sandy

Not the exact house we will have in Florida, but one similar. Hoping the sun shines like that though.
whole day of not doing much of anything...tomorrow will be different. Needed today I think, at least that is what dear friends and family kept telling me, as I sat around and did nothing rather well. I think I have even let my fire go out in the wood burner.
Tomorrow I have to plan, pack, pray...not in that order necessarily. I have began to get a few details lined up, but time to ramp up and put 'er in gear. Weather has been fair in the Sunshine state, not amazing. But, I do promise ahead of time not to complain about the cool 50* temps or whine about the cloudy weather. I am sure I will be blessed for that be grateful...

winter in the barn

Bundled up and ready for anything. It was chilly but our guys are real troopers. Even after playing, fighting, and chasing the cat, they were still willing, sorta, to pose for these pictures. Getting the two of them together looking happy and still can be a task. Good thing for digital photography cause I deleted quite a few. Course they were from my phone camera. Notice the muddy boots. Gotta love dirty farm boys. I have decided that toddlers are like puppies; one is a blast, a great deal of work, but fun to watch, to enjoy playtime, and the silly antics of the small and cute. BUT TWO, oh my...they are over the top. What a weighty gift. The responsibility, the laundry, the poopie butts, the endless serving of mac n cheese. Yes, they may make a mess, or many messes, pee on the new carpet, but what the heck the Stanley Steamer guy needs the work. The smiles are endless and joy immeasurable. No mom, no Grammy, no Grandma, would ever trade jobs with anyone. Thanks dear baby boys for keeping my life adventure exciting and oh so blessed.

Kimmel' s to the Core

love to eat

Love to drink

Very appropriate captions for the boys two favorite activities. Yes, Kaleb's shirt is a bit on the small side; shows off those baby muscles nicely though don't ya think? DA always has to have a spoon or a fork, but always eats with his other empty hand. So does that make him left-handed or right-handed? Do we judge by his fork hand or his food hand? Either way he knows how to get it into his mouth. He can even eat yogurt with his fist. Messy, but efficient.
Bev and I spent some time talking today. We are definitely in agreement on the "this is sure stressful" part of the "what to do with a baby girl" conversation. those quotation marks are kinda senseless, sorry. It is past ten. should have written instead of watching Law n Order.
My anxiety level has been elevated. I should make up a color coded level chart like the terror alert to give the family a heads up before they enter the house. I could hang a banner over the back door so they knew how much armor do don before coming inside. I am not sure if it is something physical from my thyroid issues, regular old anxiety disorder, or perhaps a bit situational. Or perhaps a mix of all three. I considered calling a doctor today but wasn't sure which one, so I decided to wait on a sign from God. Picked up the phone and it was a recorded message from the shrinks office reminding me of an appointment I had forgotten, tomorrow morning....Guess we will start there. God's mercy abounds and He is a present help in time of need.

Kimmel

Growning

Spose we all gotta grow up sometime. Baby horses, baby boys, grammies, sons and daughters.
Winter seems to have set in kinda serious like. The view from where I am sitting is white and gray with a few brown undertones. More snow is foretold to be on its way into the area; soon.
I have missed writing and felt the push to get back at it. My time and brain function do not seem to follow the same schedule. Even now nap time is calling loudly. But the house is quiet, even the dogs are not make annoying dog noises, licking, chewing, snorting, scratching. Two large dogs can produce a symphony of annoyances. I cannot believe I spelled that correctly the first time. Spellchecked twice and no apparent glitches. Thoughts are a bit random. Yep they are.
Another Allen and Stacey baby is on the way; a baby girl is to be born mid to late April. The blessed parents are incarcerated, again. History thought to be a great teacher, supposing the student is attentive, seems to be repeating itself. Perhaps one would be tempted to inquire of this writer what the plans are. We are waiting for God to reveal that in a blaze of fire in the sky. Cause at this point no one here has a clue. I am confident there is a Plan, and it will be revealed; but my feeble selfish mind and heart cannot see past their own brick wall of denial. Groaning prayers are offered up knowing God's Glory will be revealed in my weakness.
Alas, I love using that word in literary works, potty and bed are winning this battle. But I did write, albeit, weakly.

I don't think I like goats on my porch

Teenagers, Toddlers, and One Woman's Sanity

I like to title something I write before I begin plucking away. I suppose I believe it gives me direction, like a goal to shoot for or some such notion. Besides it is easy to be quick witted and creative with a mere sentence; the challenge is to be able to produce a longer piece of work that holds up to the title teaser. So if I fall short of my preset goal the delete tab frees me from feelings of failure and self depreciation.

From the baby room, I hear a tractor engine and the chatter of the little farmer at work. The younger brother already asleep is oblivious to all the plowing and harvesting happening in the next crib. Both boys step into turbo drive just before bed, as if trying to squeeze every ounce of activity out of the day. Or, they simply want me to step over the edge.

Shucks, I had wanted to pen so much more; but alas, the lids are droopy and the brain is numb. Evening included an extended discussion on grades, homework, true honesty, and losing television privileges. Tentative conclusions were reached and a glimpse of humility spotted just over the horizon. Tomorrow holds the Hope of new adventures, larger victories, and a riding lesson at 10 AM.

The vet did come last night and administer the usual gallon of mineral oil to three gallons of warm water through a tube and into the belly of the over fed filly. Mia's diet for the next two days consists of banamine paste, and a few fistfuls of hay, no grain. She is most unhappy watching her two barn mates much down sweet feed and a heap of hay. Oh the pain of consequences.

OK, its like this...I am in the barn hanging out with my three year old filly, Mia, who very recently ingested way more goat feed than a horse is supposed to. Have a call into my vet, who is on the way. Just grooming, brushing her; more to calm me than her. Her barn neighbor the not so friendly Zulu, named accurately for the African warrior, stretches her long black neck around the corner to snap out a not so friendly nip at my soon to be ailing friend. Defending my rightful sovereignty as Queen of the Barn, I take a swing at the nasty mare. I miss of course. The rubber curry comb clutched in the defending arm is lost in the momentum and swirls across the yard. My ever-faithful dog Howard, who was nowhere to be seen only moments ago sweeps into view making off with the blue treasure almost before I realize I have lost it...Of course.
And I wait for the vet.

Oh where O where have I been. Wish I knew. This summer has flown/crawled by, flown mostly. Jen started back to school today with classes beginning on Monday. Jer goes back September 1. Oh nuts.

quite the summer...yep

yep

Baby Brio

Monday morning past, we welcomed Zippo's Cool Brio Bar into our barn family. The little filly was born just after 3:00 AM, as predicted by good friend Barry Beatty. After checking new mother Summer at 1:30 with nothing exciting going on, Jer looked out the observation window just after 3:00 to discover the wee one just kicking her way out of the birth sac. Rushing to call me on the cell phone we kept missing each other as I was trying to call him to see what was going on. Jer was sleeping in the barn and I was at home with daddy-no-arms. Ha...We have a bed and a day bed in the barn office. I will have to continue later as my patient needs a pill and I need to go to bed. Just wanted to post these pics...God is so good to continue to bestow such precious gifts on one so unworthy...

more wedding pics

Jer's First Jump Show

Time Passing

What a beautiful wedding. So much time has passed, and so much has happened. Our lives are full of God's goodness and love. My family is growing and I am loving it. Having daughters, in-law or otherwise, is the best. My sons are happy and blessed by these incredible women that God has blessed them with. I know, never end a sentence with a preposition. Oh well, least of my worries. Our lives are enriched by Jen and Hannah. It's like coloring in the circles that are our lives.
I miss writing. I can't seem to stretch my hours to include the time needed to consider my thoughts and weave them into words. Every day is an adventure; be it with babies, boys, men, or equine. Of course I still have Howard the Wonder Dog, and Lucy, and Lucy the Cat. Each human or animal keeps my life full of laughter wonder. I am filled to the overflow.