little shoes

little shoes little shoes where will you go? little shoes little shoes scattered about little shoes little shoes no two that match. little shoes little shoes stuffed full of toes. little shoes little shoes where have you gone off to adventures laid out in advance. little shoes little shoes left prints on my heart.

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We've Got Jack

Today I have a son who is getting to know his new baby boy; caring for his wife and trusting his God for their tomorrows. Another is grieving the loss of a college friend, and wondering why the answers don't match the questions.

How life and death can walk so hand in hand is one of the great mysteries of God; and a wrestling match of emotions for this weary mom.

Sovereignty is a doctrinal certainty, this I know. But it is by faith alone, that I can begin to believe.

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Yesterday's Oswald Chambers

September 14th.
	IMAGINATION V. INSPIRATION
"The simplicity that is in Christ." 2 Corinthians 11:3 Simplicity is the secret of seeing things clearly. A saint does not think clearly for a long while, but a saint ought to see clearly without any difficulty. You cannot think a spiritual muddle clear, you have to obey it clear. In intellectual matters you can think things out, but in spiritual matters you will think yourself into cotton wool. If there is something upon which God has put His pressure, obey in that matter, bring your imagination into captivity to the obedience of Christ with regard to it and everything will become as clear as daylight. The reasoning capacity comes afterwards, but we never see along that line, we see like children; when we try to be wise we see nothing (Matthew 11:25). The tiniest thing we allow in our lives that is not under the control of the Holy Spirit is quite sufficient to account for spiritual muddle, and all the thinking we like to spend on it will never make it clear. Spiritual muddle is only made plain by obedience. Immediately we obey, we discern. This is humiliating, because when we are muddled we know the reason is in the temper of our mind. When the natural power of vision is devoted to the Holy Spirit, it becomes the power of perceiving God's will and the whole life is kept in simplicity.

Not as good as I once was....

but by the grace of God I can be BETTER than I ever was.... I have learned much of late. I can be worse than I ever was or by the grace of God continue on in the sanctification walk becoming more like Christ; saying no to the cries of the flesh and yes to self sacrifice and obedience, never mistaking the Christian life for an easy, happy, fun, lifestyle choice.

How tempting to view my sins of heart as less offensive to God than the outward and visible. Much of my life before Christ revolved around FLESH choices; laying them down and walking in purity of body and mind brought great and evident change into my life. And even today old desires, and some new ones sneak into my heart and and tap at the door of my soul seeking to gain entrance into my heart and daily walk. Mostly they are bold and brassy and catch my attention before they arrive at the gate.
Oh but the sins of the heart...those sneaky, evil, worms of self-righteousness, self pity, LAZINESS, complaining, ingratitude, impatience, prides judgmental attitude, self, self, self. How they do flourish blossom and bloom, large and vibrant, without my notice or care.
Today as every day I must choose by and through the grace of my Jesus to lay down ME and rise up in and for HIM. Please Lord Jesus let me not take what you have given me to heart or self but pour it out on You and Yours.

After reading Sept 3 from My Upmost for His Highest
2 Samue23; l6 Nevertheless, he would not drink thereof but poured it out unto the Lord

day at the fair

ok, took the horses to the fair. truck blew up on the way in. limped into the fairgrounds only to find someone blocking our reserved $50 campsite. security gets rid of offending subcompact. tow truck hauls away my big green diesel Chevy. after an evening of fair food, family, n friends we return to find the electric in the horse trailer non-functional. friends camping out are in the dark.
day one at the fair; done

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Canada 2010

Now there is a pack of super heroes for you

Drewbee and me

Three men on a ship

Squirrel watch...

after this dinner Jer was only allowed plastic silverware

Never once complained about the life jacket

Ben n Jen n baby makes three

Randy n Ned n Hannah and Jack (not visible in picture)

Sharing snacks and a quiet moment

House is quiet. Kids are asleep. Jer is out and Drew is away for the night. Only Howard interrupts my silence with his continuous yapping outside. Even with the annoying canine disruptions the peace is almost beyond my understanding. Countless stories and witty tales have bounced and rippled through my tattered mind over these long silent months. But now, time and space on my hands; I have nothing to give.

Fortunately I have countless photos from our recent annual trip north I can most likely entertain for a little while.

yippee

I was quoted today in print...it is a big deal to me; not just someone I know or someone who loves me already, but a stranger. Hopefully a new friend. Late night early wake up.

Grace does rain new every morning; I count on that or would never get out of bed.

Great Day in the Morning

Mercies are poured out.

Do not grow weary

The way it should be done

Two boys a high lift and a horse

Ice cream in bed at the Hampton

What to do when weary will not depart? Been reading Oswald Chambers again and I wish I could find my old hardback copy with old notes and musings in the margins. I have to wonder if I have made any progress or am still muddling around in the shallow waters. He leaves no room for excuses or worried fussing.
Today seemed harder than most. Not sure why really. Could be a combination or my bad attitude, feeling seriously allergy afflicted, high fatigue level, normal teen angst, and busy baby boys. Seems like typical day in the life to me. The above pictures demonstrate the joys and laughter that fills my life. I think what wearies my is my lack of ability to grasp contentment. I lack nothing. I am completely blessed and free in life and in death. Still way too often I give in to resentment and self pity wishing for a different easier life. Shame on me...
O Sweet Jesus give me Your Joy, Your Contentment, Your Patience and Courage to wake up tomorrow knowing You are carrying my heavy burden. Release me from the snare of self so I might fully give my all to You and Yours.

Take My Life

This is my new theme song...

Why I Love My Life

will be continued after I drain the macaroni and serve dinner

Dinner was served and enjoyed. Sort of pulled it out of my magic dinner hat. Started with turkey kielbasa and some diced onions; a little bullion, peas, mushrooms, corn, a few black beans some pasta, salsa, and some shredded cheese ended up looking like a recipe meal. Maybe I should call that hat a miracle dinner hat. Meals are a constant challenge for me; the planning ahead, remembering to make sure I have what I need, mustering the energy to do the prep work, and getting everything hot and cooked through and on the table all at the same time.

That being said, every day is a new adventure and God continues to meet me at the foot of my mountains and my molehills. Started too late to expound much more. Split the boys tonight; Bev has Kaleb at her house with Chloe and DA is snoring snuggled up under his John Deere quilt. Jer in bed; Drew snoring beside me. Peace reigns...well except for Fox News blaring on the television. I'm half afraid to turn it off...peace may end cause Drew can "watch" it while snoring...

If it is writing you want

meet Chloe...previous pictures posted may have been a bit more flattering and also more true to her normal disposition. Usually a happy pleasant baby, this photo was captured in one of her weaker moments. Still pretty darn cute though. She has been spending most of her days and nights with Grandma Bev. But she comes to visit her big brothers with 'Amma, and we all enjoy those afternoons and evenings.

Big brother Kaleb and DA have been living with Jer, Drew, and I since baby sister was born, where previously our baby boys split their time between Bev's and our place. When we began this adventure I don't think any of us adults ever imagined it would become a long term endeavor. We believed Allen would spend sometime in jail, realize he had messed up and become a grownup and a Dad. Unfortuanely for adults and young boys alike, such was not the case. We became grandPARENTS, and two little boys lost their daddy. Mommy too, but she was never an intricate part of their lives. And now we have Chloe. What does it all mean?

Possibly God is calling all of us to a more intimate relationship with Him so that we are better able to discern and pursue with diligence the overwhelming job He has called us to.

good friends

I've Done Enough Dyin Today

The Gatlin Brothers; 1985ish

The words keep reeling through my mind, not sure why. Could have been the memorial service I attended today; an uncle I had not seen in years, true, his family once a huge part of my life. How easily we slip back into conversation, to relationships neglected but not defunct. Praise God for such dear ones, and how easily we can reconnect; of maybe just tap into a connection still strong but not often accessed. I end this day full to overflow with a sense of life and love and loss so powerful it aches to draw a breath. Not seeking sympathy, empathy maybe; knowing we all share in the human frailty and fragility of all we hold dear. Today, giving me reminder that outside my immediate life circle there is a broader sense of family connection given by my generous Father, to which I need hold to a little faster and remember a little oftener. Thank Sweet Jesus for a long hard day. I needed it.

Though this song reflects on a lover lost I think the words can be taken a bit deeper. Hold fast to all you hold dear and drink deep of the well of life; the bitter and the sweet and rich will be your days.

What will we do now? You tell me
The hourglass is all out of sand
How could love slip through our fingers
And leave nothin' but time on our hands?
And how will we live now? You tell me
With parts of our hearts torn away
Just existing makes dyin' look easy
But maybe tomorrowI've done enough dyin' today

And how will I sleep now? You tell me
With only my arm my by side
Perhaps I'll learn sleepin' all over
And just maybe without dreamin' this time
And who'll make you laugh now? You tell me
Since you sent your clown on his way
I don't think I'll cry, just die laughin'
But maybe tomorrow I've done enough dyin' today

And how will we live now? You tell me
With parts of our hearts torn away
Just existing makes dyin' look awful easy
But maybe tomorrow I've done enough dyin' today

Four Weeks Friday

So here she is four weeks old; plus a few days. 7lbs and oz or two. Changing quickly every day.

Baby Chloe Born Good Friday

Doing much better. born with methadone in her system she has suffered serious withdrawal symptoms. Respiratory troubles, irritability, and various others. She was placed on morphine after five days and began to improve after a few days. Currently her morphine is gradually being weaned down and she is taking a bottle with earnest. God is bringing healing quickly as was my prayer; that she blow away the professionals leaving room for Glory to God alone. More details should follow, but know me; no promises.

14

Just noticed I have already posted half as many entries so far this year as all of 2009. Has to be better year.

Life Looms

For me so much new and exciting life seems to be just around the corner of time. Of course my philosophy of living Today completely and fully; energetically and with anticipation make it difficult to imagine More.

Two new babies; one coming any day; one not until autumn certainly mean More life. 'Ammy is quite exited about these impending births. The first could be deemed a tragedy or travesty if viewed from the wrong perspective. Every birth and new life is a miracle blessing from a loving God. But Baby Girl Kimmel will enter this world having both her parents enrolled in the PA penal system having plans to remain so incarcerated for several years. With both anticipation and anxiety we grandparents wait. Knowing God has planned this little life and placed her in our family evokes humility and awe.

Fear, not of God, sprouts from its ugly seed creating stubby bamboo like stumps designed for the tripping over. Need to go and read all the "but Gods" and "therefores" in the Bible and brush up on my knowledge and understanding of how able and ready my Lord is to bring triumph out of travesty. I know this to be true, Lord help me own it in my soul; again.

Our second little life arrives as the leaves turn and with temperatures moderate, maybe close to her "Ammy's birthday, which would be extra sweet. Oops, I said her, that is an unknown. Her parents, oops again, are working hard to create a safe and God-centered home, warm and comfy, full of love and laughter. My joy and pride are without limits.

Both babies will need a Savior, A God who is able to redeem and purchase their lives for eternity. So grateful am I that such a Savior Lives. He will provide for babies, parents, and grandparents all that they need to nurture and raise this next generation.