No particular reason
My heart lies heavy.
Brimming unidentified sadness
A yearning for calmer breath
The dog snores nearby
Assuring the storm is mine
A day like all others
It’s just a rolling pin
But it isn’t
A memory of larger hands leading
From the center to the edge
Patient loving guidance
Sure it will turn up somewhere
Pungent ache of memories past
as a preface: I misread the prompt word. I am going to share what I wrote anyway: Using the word: belong
I asked my daughter-in-law the first thing she thought when she heard the word belong. She replied, "included." Difficult challenges these days. We are scattered about as families, friends, even the folks we are used to seeing when we run errands or go to the gym. Our routines have been interrupted or discarded altogether. I know for myself, I feel adrift and a often little lost. As one who runs on a little scattered normally, my loose routine gave me some foundation and connection with others. not so much lately.
Kids in school. Kids out of school. Virtual school. My husband and I both had Covid-19. Much of November a blur. Any sense of routine vanished. I can understand my DIL throwing out the word included. When we lose our community, our people, we become excluded from our foundation. Sadly, in other words, not included. Alone.
Our local community recently lost a young father and a devoted husband. In less than a week donations poured in. A spaghetti dinner happened. The blue collar workers in a dying coal community poured themselves into a family who had lost their rock. Their foundation. Locally we banded together, all included. All belonged.
As Christians, we know that we belong to one another.
And as Christians, let us be aware. Let us look at one another and those around us. Look for the lost. Look for the lonely. Ones who do not feel as though they belong. Not included.
The passage below speaks to how we belong to one another. All parts working together for each other's good. Can we extend this belonging to the broken souls around us, that as much as we are able let none be lost, alone. Belonging to each other and the community where God has placed us.
So it is Paul tells us in Romans 12:5
with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.
I deleted half of a post for the today's word prompt; present, well yesterdays prompt i guess.
I had meditated on the different meanings of the word PRESENT. I looked them up in the dictionary, examining the history and origin of the word. I started down the path, exploring the different meanings and how each could relate to our lives, and how we live them. I ended up confusing myself.
Present, a gift we present to another. we are present with them as we give. See, confusing right? I cannot seem to separate the meanings and write about only one.
Maybe we are each one physiological human, made up of diverse aspects of personality, spirituality, and human frailty. Not much to do with the word present.
Unless we work at being present in the lives of those we love. Be near. Be aware. Be listening. Walking alongside. Enjoying their presence in our lives.
Presenting our lives as a living sacrifice to our Jesus. Purposefully making each day His.
He has given us each gifts. Presents to use in His service and for His glory; blessing others.
Today we are present. Wherever we are we are; present in today.
So today may we be all the present(s) God has called us to be.
We Americans use the season, the Thanksgiving to ponder and share our gratitude and appreciation for the blessings in our lives. We celebrate with feasts, family, and friends; toasting to our greatest gifts. Traditions passed though generations of our most loved, filling them with memories that bind.
2020 without our consent may or may not have affected our traditional traditions.
Grateful. Myself. I struggle with depression and anxiety. I have MS. Messes with my mind and short term memory. Overall weakness and fatigue.
All to often I lose track of my place in the Kingdom. How I am forever loved and secure in the arms of Jesus. Accepted by the Father. My room already prepared in the Better Place.
I am grateful that He never forgets me. No matter where the darkness takes my mind or spirit, I am never lost or parted from the protection of the King.
My place in the kingdom is secure.
Worship
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief. Psalm 14:13 NEV
Cancel
My deep debt of sin has been canceled. Of that I am sure. Many words could be written concerning that glorious truth. I am struggling with my five minute timer. My brain struggles to process and write in the limited time. Not to mention two boys who demand my constant attention. Maybe I should have waited until I felt more inspired or did not have so much company. And, my Covid-19 positive husband is here dropping off food.
so for now I am canceled.
Should I begin again? Or pick up where I left off?
Either way, I still do not have writing path or destination plan. I read through all the other writings, all polished and professional.
Writing my name in five minuets can be a struggle. That might be a stretch. My MS anxiety rattled brain can get a little muddy.
Cancel; I think I am going to cancel comparing myself to others. I am trusting all you beautiful writers to accept, encourage, and hopefully enjoy what i write.
I know God made me a writer. So here I am. I have been encouraged by multiple Christians and non to write. It is who must rise to my calling and not waste a precious God-given gift.
Have a blessed week. Well, today is already Tuesday, so what is left of the week walk in His mercy, grace, and glory.
Many words have been written and spoken in reference to the recent presidential election. I guess I do not feel a pressing need to add or subtract to the dialoges and opinions already expressed.
I feel myself becoming wordy. I am tempted to when I do not feel I have much to say, or that if I open my heart and share, I could spill more beans than my comfort level allows.
I have a week ahead of me. Not an easy one. Not many are. Easy. But that is for another time. Choices need to me made on how to approach the days ahead.
The Covid 19 game of tag landed on my doorstep this morning, having made a brief test visit in October.
Raising two challenging grandsons, twelve and thirteen, I have been blessed to have them enrolled in a Christian school that has maintained in person teaching. Until this morning. Our school remains open; the boys will remain home. Encouraging them maintain passing grades while in school, can be difficult and tumultuous. My husband, the Covid positive family member, moved a bit grudgingly to his office apartment in town, cutting our (boys and my need to quarantine in half. Many parents and grandparents are virtual schooling children and grandchildren. I am not alone. My heart is with them. However, their trials will not make ours any easier. My personal health issues. The older on the spectrum. In utero drug and alcohol exposure. Early life trauma, increases the excitement of the endeavor ahead.
Choice one. Lock my sobbing panicked self in my room.. Not good for any of us. Definitely not God honoring.
Choice two. Look up to Jesus, who is not surprised by my vision of disaster. Depend on Him. Pray more. Stay connected with friends who can support me, not my personal favorite. I prefer muddling and falling in the dark alone. I mean right? I am shaking my head knowing this has not worked well for in the past.
How will the week ahead play out? Tonight I choose option two. Knowing in advance my responses will be mixture of one and two. The battle begins.The victory will be His alone.
I have been thinking about this prompt, thinking, not writing. I’m not sure if I can resist some minor editing. But I will try.
The year was 1976. Our nation’s bicentennial. An election. And the year I graduated from high school. The second presidential election eighteen years olds got to vote. I was more than excited. I registered. Went to my polling place ready to make my tiny dent in American society.
An accidental president and an unknown peanut farmer. Forty some years ago my selection was my own. A bit of a contentious election; voters received their information from television and the written pages. Not near the frenzied media barrage we experience today. Facts. Figures. Images. Instantly coursing through our homes, our lives. The choice is remains simple; decide, choose, vote. 2020 has been flooded with strife, violence, division, and political vomit. (To graphic perhaps)
Still, one thing remains from my first experience voting; to today’s manic hate fueled election; Jesus is Lord. Of our land and our election. He rules. Not only our country, but all of creation, from the “in the beginning” until His glorious return...
No matter the results of this election, we ran be assured we are safe under His reign and rule. Let’s fix our eyes on Him.
Seems difficult to write the word “disappoint.” Disappointing. Disappointed. Would fit more easily into a sentence. To disappoint; indicates that I have not met the expectations of someone or a group of someones. Even now I’m struggling with the free write conception. I want to proof and correct my writing. My own fear of causing disappointment, even to my expectations of myself haunts me. Disappoint is a strong common EMOTION in my inner being.
I depend on myself far to often to please others and myself. In Christ I can remember he never disappoints. In pursing Him my striving for perfection is me with His never failing Grace.
Rainy Days and Monday’s
What is it about mondays? A song from the past. Deep past. Wanders and weaves through the mind.
Thinking back. Thinking about the now. The tomorrow.
The heart closes tightly, keeping the weeping from bursting forth.
Sadness aches, lurking in the deepest depths. Screaming to be set free.
Recognized.
Embraced.
Soothed.
Healed.
Fear. The greatest liar continues to stifle the letting go.
Sneers.
Mocking the bleeding scars as weakness.
Tells the feeble heart no one cares.
Keep it in. Protect it from judgment and critical spirits.
Fix yourself. You’re lazy.
Useless. Unloveable.
Failure, go to bed. Hide.
You’ll never get it right.
But God says; you my child.
Do not feed the fear.
Look up to Me.
I’m the comforter.
The healer.
I feel your pain.
Broken. Timid. The heart resists.
Unsure and afraid.
Trust destroyed by man, the ears are sealed, the heart hardened.
Hope is present
Yet unseen.
Quite a day so it was.
Minutes from sleep, I
Ponder the hours. Each distinct
From another.
Up
down.. Fearing the
Low place would overcome
And the darkness would see
Victory
Late now
The circle complete
Breathing demonstrates
A serenity
A sort of calm
Saying a good
Not perfect day
Has passed
Jesus reigns
And I am
Enough
Abandoned by man
Wandering alone
The heart hemorrhaging
Light all but gone
Emptiness surrounds
A soul abused
And yet golden rays
Edge into the abyss
The Son's
Warming love
Expands and
Is welcomed
Hope fills the heart
Rescue is sure
Let His praise
Thunder throughout
