
Saturday Night and I ain't Got....
Ain't got what you might ask, well I ain't got hives, or warts, or fleas; Lucy might but she keeps them to herself. Ha. I ain't got nobody bugging me, right now. Ned is out with some friends; Jer is in his room listening to Odyssey CDs. Drew is snoring on the couch and I have been trying to search the Internet for some info on the nephrosplenic ligament in horses. It is a ligament that connects the spleen to the kidney. Cool and Ginger both got their large colons wrapped up around this ligament, displacement its called, causing their digestive systems to slowly self destruct, which ultimately caused their deaths. I been missing Cool and was trying to make sense of it all. So I guess what I ain't got is my horse.
Mostly, I can deal with the loss, Grace abounds; but some days, like today it just all seems to cruel. The pictures, I love to look at them, but they don't have her musky horsey smell. I know I did not lose a human relative or friend, an animal is just an animal...but they can also be dear friends. She gave me her best and that was a challenge for her. Cool was not one to give anything easily. She had deep seated fears and insecurities and she kept her true self all to her self. Until she allowed me in, tentatively, slowly she allowed herself to trust me. And eventually, I think she even loved me some, as best a horse can. All that long day she remained calm as I stood near. Ned had told me to stay close to her and I did. Up until they led her through those swinging doors I had my eyes fixed on hers. Walking, moving caused her great pain. Every step up until those last few had been halting, forced. When I asked her to move forward that last time she did, without the earlier hesitation. So much so that it caught me off guard, almost startling me. My breath stuck dry in my throat as she disappeared behind the swing of a door.
Sorry for the blue post, its been brewing for a while.