Hard

Life can be hard. Difficult. Sometimes seemingly impossible. Faith should be the evidence of the unseen. A mystery that allows us to walk with confidence during the hard. Sometimes finding faith is hard. It is for me right now. Still I KNOW in my head what I don't FEEL in my heart. Apart from Jesus I can possess no good thing ..even things the world tells us are good are ashes and dust apart from Christ. Lord, bless my friends who don't know you and are walking in hard, bless them and lend them grace and pull their hearts to you. In faith.

Broken

Would be easy to come up with cliche type scribble. But then the norm or ordinary are not close friends of mine. Traveling north today with, well with the whole family, the whole family that still lives at home, in the house. Plus one dear friend, babysitter Extrodinare. Our family on vacations could sometimes, many times be easily confused with the Griswold vacations. Always an adventure, never boring; tears, tantrums, terrifying car rides tag along. Two boys, the grandsons are experiencing  their maiden voyage of supposedly fun family trip. Third seat squabbling has been minimal, unless of course you ask the easily irritated teenage man child in the middle seat, in which case then the whole trip inclulding his whole life sucks. We are a blended family. Blended from the start; his and mine, later ours, later again two adopted. Five in all, we were a broken unit. For the long haul we are truely evidence of the grace of a healing mending God. Day to day there were bits and pieces of broken hearts and souls scattered about. As grown ups the older boys are building new relationships on grown up Jesus loving values and commonalities. Children of their own bring new perspective and renewed devotion and desire of the Saviour. What once was lost is being found. And those of us stuffed into the black Ford Expdition heading north, we are begging the Jesus who mends the broken to ride along and be ever present as we attempt to relax and vacation or "be on holiday" at the "cottage" on our Canadian Vacation.

grace

Overwhelmed by the Grace and Love of Jesus today. Feeling, sensing His pleasure in my feeble stab at righteousness. My flesh got the better of me most of the day. I know and am grateful for the grace afforded me by the glorious cross.

Belong

Belong. What belongs to me is nothing really. A dear friend told me once that something is never really yours until you give it away. I had never thought of myself as a shallow person, just the opposite most likely. Creative, pensive, sensitive; but honesty, I didn't have a clue. My husband and I had been told many times we had the gift of generosity. If we recognized a need somewhere we would pray separately and often we would both sense God leading us to respond down to penny or detail in the same manner. I felt as if I had given away much...but held no increased attachment as the former owner.
the last few years I have had to give, lay my life down every day in way(s) I would never have chosen. Jesus has slowly surely stripped away at my ownership of self. I have experienced fatigue, weariness, frustration, depression, abandonment, anger, bitterness; I could go on. All because a few months shy of my 50th birthday Jesus dropped two small boys into my life and said, "cancel your plans for the rest of your life, these babies need a place to belong." Almost two years passed before they became fulltime permanent members of our nearly empty nest; I'm sure God knew I needed that long to crack open my stubborn selfish heart.
Five years later I am more fatigued, more weary, often cranky, and sometimes FEEL very alone. But what I know is because I have given up claim to my life, well...more like it is daily being peeled out of my often clenched arthritis laced fingers, I am finally content  in my own skin. When we give our lives away we find them, and we realise we are exactly were we belong. And my little boys, they know where they belong, and they are learning its all because of Jesus. Because Ammie belongs to Him they are safe and just where they belong.