Belong

Belong. What belongs to me is nothing really. A dear friend told me once that something is never really yours until you give it away. I had never thought of myself as a shallow person, just the opposite most likely. Creative, pensive, sensitive; but honesty, I didn't have a clue. My husband and I had been told many times we had the gift of generosity. If we recognized a need somewhere we would pray separately and often we would both sense God leading us to respond down to penny or detail in the same manner. I felt as if I had given away much...but held no increased attachment as the former owner.
the last few years I have had to give, lay my life down every day in way(s) I would never have chosen. Jesus has slowly surely stripped away at my ownership of self. I have experienced fatigue, weariness, frustration, depression, abandonment, anger, bitterness; I could go on. All because a few months shy of my 50th birthday Jesus dropped two small boys into my life and said, "cancel your plans for the rest of your life, these babies need a place to belong." Almost two years passed before they became fulltime permanent members of our nearly empty nest; I'm sure God knew I needed that long to crack open my stubborn selfish heart.
Five years later I am more fatigued, more weary, often cranky, and sometimes FEEL very alone. But what I know is because I have given up claim to my life, well...more like it is daily being peeled out of my often clenched arthritis laced fingers, I am finally content  in my own skin. When we give our lives away we find them, and we realise we are exactly were we belong. And my little boys, they know where they belong, and they are learning its all because of Jesus. Because Ammie belongs to Him they are safe and just where they belong.