Passing

My friend died last night. Not one of my inner circle; someone I had hoped to at some point get to know better.

I remember reading in Guideposts a while back and article written by a woman who was struggling with an aging family matriarch not giving the her, a younger but mature daughter, mother, room at the holiday dinner stove. I forget most of the details; how she resolved the dilemma. Now, though I long to have her problem. My mother, my mother in-law are both gone, with the Lord. Having only one sister-in-law, there is just me to create "the holiday meal". Five sons, a husband, I have failed them; falling short of the creation of a festive, warm, family holiday season. Even thinking about it makes me tired, Then depressed. More tired. More depressed, since I am too tired t and depressed to feel like doing the holiday deed.

Still, my husband has stepped up and made some darn good holiday meals. The meals are good, but the holiday lacks the woman's touch. I whine, that I lost my mentors too early. Not just their teaching, leading, but our family table lacks the glory of the gray. The gray haired ones who have lived longer, laughed and cried more, hurt more and been hurt more. The table misses their rounding out.

I miss them.

Now, my friend's family has lost their matriarch, a woman not many years my senior.

Heartache descends upon a woman's spirit from many directions. I must step up and shoulder the mantle bequeathed upon me. Wear the honor I did not wish for. Jesus fills our lives with blessing, but He sometimes gives gifts we would like to return; gifts we may not want, but gifts He knows we need. Without a doubt what He has ordained is for our good, the good of those around us. For His Glory.