Saturday Night and I ain't Got....
Ain't got what you might ask, well I ain't got hives, or warts, or fleas; Lucy might but she keeps them to herself. Ha. I ain't got nobody bugging me, right now. Ned is out with some friends; Jer is in his room listening to Odyssey CDs. Drew is snoring on the couch and I have been trying to search the Internet for some info on the nephrosplenic ligament in horses. It is a ligament that connects the spleen to the kidney. Cool and Ginger both got their large colons wrapped up around this ligament, displacement its called, causing their digestive systems to slowly self destruct, which ultimately caused their deaths. I been missing Cool and was trying to make sense of it all. So I guess what I ain't got is my horse.
Mostly, I can deal with the loss, Grace abounds; but some days, like today it just all seems to cruel. The pictures, I love to look at them, but they don't have her musky horsey smell. I know I did not lose a human relative or friend, an animal is just an animal...but they can also be dear friends. She gave me her best and that was a challenge for her. Cool was not one to give anything easily. She had deep seated fears and insecurities and she kept her true self all to her self. Until she allowed me in, tentatively, slowly she allowed herself to trust me. And eventually, I think she even loved me some, as best a horse can. All that long day she remained calm as I stood near. Ned had told me to stay close to her and I did. Up until they led her through those swinging doors I had my eyes fixed on hers. Walking, moving caused her great pain. Every step up until those last few had been halting, forced. When I asked her to move forward that last time she did, without the earlier hesitation. So much so that it caught me off guard, almost startling me. My breath stuck dry in my throat as she disappeared behind the swing of a door.
Sorry for the blue post, its been brewing for a while.
5 comments:
Good grief (no pun intended), Sandy! It's YOUR blog, you can write about anything you like!
I'm happy that you write/post regularly because that act makes you happy. Write on! Post about whatever moves you!
Sandy,
I am glad you are talking about what you feel. That helps keep their memories alive and helps you heal.
Praying for you. It was good to see you today. I love the blog, but it is no substitute for a good hug from a dear friend.
Vic
Learned, at the very tail end of 2007:
That, after watching about three month's worth of Food Network, and hearing cook after cook talk about the wonders of chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, usually with the warning, "Go easy on these guys and the sauce unless you really know what you're doing... a little goes a long way" but then opening the can and thinking "but they're so small... only seven in the entire can, and this is a big load of chili..." to remember that I DON'T know what I'm doing.
Thank you.
By the way, my chili is so hot that, after eating it, you can see forever through time. And your sinuses are as clear as the tears running from your eyes.
When I first started working right out of college I was a drug and alcohol therapist. I had a 19 year old male client come to me and tell me that he was embarrassed to tell me this but that he was in incredible pain and didn't know what to do. I asked him what was wrong.
He said that his private parts were on fire and he was bent in half crying. I started to think STD's, rash, etc... but then after questioning him some more learned that it came on all of a sudden. I asked him what he had been doing right before the pain started. He told me he was making some nachos. Knowing this client, it all made sense...
He put some very hot peppers on the nachos. The other guys in the rehab joked about how he didn't wear any underwear. Evidently while making the nachos he had an itch... and then some intense pain...
I know… too much information... but it was hilarious...
Vic
Oh.
Um... wow.
...
Huh. Yeah. That was, um... "hilarious."
...
Sigh.
Okay, that's one of those "disturbing on many levels" kind of stories. Happy New Year! Let's start with a mental image that makes you want to scour your brain with steel wool! Whoo!
See what I mean, about bringing a fresh perspective, Vic?
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