I am small. I want to be smaller. I want God to be huge in my life. Great big grand huge. I am sad to say I fall short of small. making me and my not so important stuff huge; and God and His plan. His ways. His people, not big enough in my life. Tonight I sit here a day late for Five Minute Friday and years behind in my growth and spiritual pursuits. My love is lacking, my self interest, self preservation, self seeking soul ways all growing like the Rumor weed if I am not on my guard.
I am tired, the week ends finishing up the local county fair. My son, my live in grand babies, my husband all provided me with ample opportunities to serve big by making myself small... I served. I did my duties. Kids got where they needed to be. I covered my teen's home and barn chores, took small ones to see the ponies and eat a fair hotdog. But grumbling, internal whining, a few external sharp replies took the edge off my desire to be small and allowed my reflection of self to grow large. Instead of little me and Big God, I made me big and God small.
Grateful for grace and that much of my hugeness remained internal... I rejoice once more in the Hugeness of the Cross and and the Mighty Work accomplished there. Sweet Jesus, shrink me, make me small, that the You in me may grow large and evident and Love out loud.
2 comments:
God honors our struggles, friend! HE is never late, and he can always work with an open, willing heart--and you definitely qualify! Thanks for taking the time to post on FMF (who cares if it's no longer Friday?). Blessings in your new week.
Thanks for writing this. I love they way you think of making yourself small as a spiritual path. Reminds me of St. Francis and his desire to follow the poor and humble Christ. I honor your struggle... and agree that parenthood has challenged my ability to be loving in the ways I think God asks of us - the kindness that has come easily to me in all my other interactions gets worn away easily by my kids who ask incessant questions, who demand so much attention and care, who never stop climbing on me, even when it's hot and I'm trying to cook and I just stepped on a lego and... well, you know how it goes. Just want you to know that you aren't alone! It isn't easy... and I think by just acknowledging that you have room for improvement, your kids are better off for it... they will learn how to smile and start again. A valuable life skill. Blessings to you, congrats on getting through your business with the fair! Peace and all good! Shelly
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