Sunday, October 05, 2008
Techno Queen
Not really...but a can always dream On my way out to Sunday afternoon dreamland, and I discovered I was already signed in. One baby sleeping. One talking to himself in his crib. No, not Drew! I gave Jer a two hr reprieve from his TV grounding since he is on moniter patrol. I wanted to make go outside but I wanted a nap more. I,ll console myself by letting myself think we will take a walk later. There, That's done. Naptime!
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16 comments:
oh, the new suburban is dark dark blue. very sharp n smarter than I am.
Frost warning, tonight, as the lows are predicted to dip into the 30's.
Wow, that was fast! My air conditioner is still in my bedroom window! Of course, you all remember my story about Joe's mission trip, and how, um, time seems to get away from me...
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Dark, dark blue... my Jetta was that color, with a gray interior... I really liked that color combination!
Gotta run... bunch of stuff to do, today, and most of it needs to be done in Pittsburgh.
So if I have my kids by February and keep the babies... do I get the Suburban too since my car won't fit 4 small kids...?
have my big test tonight... I decided not to really study except for the math... we will see if that was a good idea or not... the test is open book and everything I would study is in the book highlighted.
I have the math down... which is amazing. I am at Panera in Monroeville partially working and partially getting ready to study, and partially thinking if many people would notice if I fell asleep in this little corner I am tucked away in. Went off one of my migraine meds... haven't had any migraines yet, but anytime I have increased or decreased my doses on this med... I get pretty bad insomnia. I might have slept two hours last night at the most. I was physically in a bed for 4 hours, but I know I was just laying there at least until 3:30 am (last time I looked at the clock)and got up at 6:30 am.
Well, I can just lean my head against the wall... and close my eyes... except for this crazy music playing... wonder if they would turn it off... :)
Have a great day, I will find out immediately after the test if I passed or not... I will let you know...
I drove to my class early and slept in the parking lot for an hour. Really needed that. It took me 4 hours to take the test. By 10 pm I just couldn't think anymore. I asked the teacher if I could hand my test in with 4 questions unanswered and if I needed them to pass I would answer them other than that I was done. I almost fell asleep at one point because I was just so exhausted. The test was so, so hard. I handed my test in, she graded it, and she shook her head... I got a little nervous. She asked me if I wanted to finish the four I left blank... I asked if I needed them to pass and she said no... oh thank you Lord that I passed...
She handed me my test back and I had an 86%. I started to look at the ones I missed to see what I did wrong, but honestly I could barely keep my eyes open... I asked her if I could look at it on Wednesday when it wasn't all blurry and she said yes.
I slept so good last night... best nights sleep in several weeks.
CONGRATULATIONS, VICKI!
I talked to our Director of Permanency Services (the new, PC term for adoption), for quite a while, yesterday, about you. Her bottom line is that there are 400 "free" family profiles offered per fiscal year, and how the criteria for one gets interpreted and played out varies.. and is different in every county, in every agency, in every agency's office, and in every worker. The "good" thing is that sibling groups are one of the things that MIGHT get you a free home study. She also reminded me of people who've been waiting years for a child...
We then got into a philosophical discussion about whether people should be allowed to chose which child they adopt... many of the behaviors people steer clear of in kids in the system are behaviors their own biological children could just as easily develop... it's a lottery, to a degree. If you want to help a child, then take one. Nearly all of the failed adoptions I've worked with (including the boy who I started seeing at age 9 who had already been through TWO failed adoptions) were from families who wanted someone very specific (blond hair, blue eyes, between 7 and 7.5 years old, etceteras) OR adopted for the wrong reasons (to clearly fill a need in THEM, to hopefully keep a failing relationship together, etceteras).
I was planning on staying home all day and doing a big pile of work, but just got an e-mail from my boss that I entered my time wrong in the computer... I usually enter it for the past two weeks on Sundays, but the system was down all day this past weekend, so I entered it yesterday. Which means I entered my time for this week and next... which is great, I suppose, except now I need to go to the office to get onto the intranet to enter my time. Boo.
I keep thinking I need to get a VPN set up so I can access all of the internal files and databases from wherever I am, and this may be the motivation I need!
But, if the worst thing that happens is that I have to drive 20 minutes to enter my time so I get paid, I can live with that.
P.S.
Add Thomas' big and chewy cinnamon and raisin bagels, toasted, with cinnamon and brown sugar swirl cream cheese.
And, Vicki, try Lipton's diet green tea with citrus flavors... it's inexpensive and tasty. It's far, far from REAL green tea, but it technically is green tea. And zero calories.
Wow, thanks Rob for getting some info.
Had to think though about your comment on getting to choose kids... I think if you are adopting someone else's kids... you should get to choose. If they have a bunch of problems and would prevent it from being safe for any kids currently in the home, that needs to be considered.
For me, I wouldn't go and have a baby of my own right now because I don't think that my life would work with infants. But I can handle older children... hence picking an age. Due to being a single parent I think I need to be careful not to bite off more than I can chew.
I have gotten feedback from different people in the church and it is interesting on how they view things. If I were to adopt a newborn and needed a lot of support then that would be viewed as you got in over your head and should have known better than to do something like that. But if I got pregnant and had a newborn, the thought is, well, the baby is here now... you are going to need a lot of help. Because getting pregnant out of marriage in this example wouldn't be pre-meditated but adopting newborns would be people are willing to help one more than the other. I have had conversations about this... it is very interesting.
I have been strongly counseled to get girls over boys. I only have a two bedroom house so although I would love one of each, that is not gonna happen, hence two girls.
I am not asking for hair, eye color, but I am a little hesitant to choose a child that isn't caucasian because of strong... and I mean STRONG opinions from some family members. I want to not bring a child into a family that will not accept them when they have gone through so much already. Some in the church think that shouldn't matter, it's my life... I say, I am not so sure about that. You haven't heard what is being said.
As for disabilities, again, as a single parent, and sole provider, I can't handle someone with severe medical needs. And I have had people tell me that if I get a kid with too many needs (for example abusing pets or sexually acting out on other children) that I wouldn't be welcomed in their home. If these are people that are part of my support system, close support system... I have to think about that.
So I don't know which side of the table you were on in that discussion, although I venture to guess you were on the side of saying if you want to adopt - take what we give you... I believe for my circumstances that there is some wisdom in being a little selective.
Ultimately, God is in control and since I am going to be a foster parent first, I probably won't get too much info from when I say I will take them to the time they come to my home. So I won't be able to be too selective. God knows them by name and that is all I need to know.
The biggest area I would like to be selective is wanting to be able to keep them and not have to possibly give them back... that too is in the Lord's hands.
I do believe however that once you have made a commitment to a child and are going to adopt them... it is forever... no matter what they do, how they act... their yours.
Sandy... I am sure you have an opinion on all of this... thoughts?
Oh no, I'm on the side that this is a very specific and deliberate act, and that given all of the circumstances, people should have the right to choose. I think the example you gave about being pregnant and having a child versus adopting an infant were spot on.
And I concur: Sandy, I'd love to know your thoughts about all of this!
Oh, and about the "no matter what, they're yours..." remark, Vicki, what about the many MANY cases where they don't reveal or open records until AFTER you've adopted? Or cases where families have been clearly misled or outright lied to? I think it's an ugly thing, but I can imagine rights being terminated and it being the right thing. That's what's so tricky: there are SO many sides and factors to all of this, it's hard to make clear-cut decisions. If everyone told the truth and money wasn't such a huge factor and everyone wanted to do what was in the very best interests of the child, then I would feel differently. But, as CJ says, and I have to keep reminding myself of, it's a fallen world.
I'm SO failing at my goals to become more positive and strengths/solution oriented.
Well your words really encouraged me Rob. Thanks.
I can't speak for anyone else, and I don't know how people do this without the Lord...but for me... even if I don't get all the info ahead of time, I will be seeking the Lord and if I believe the Lord is leading me to particular kids, no matter what I find out afterwards, I will trust in Him. Hold on, this is going to be a long post... so much just happened...
Steve has encouraged me time and time again to trust the Lord with this process, God’s leading and trusting He will provide.
My wonderful mother has been offering for a few weeks now to buy the beds for the girls complete with mattress, box springs, frame and headboards. Steve has encouraged me not to go to my parents for help as the Lord is my provider and it is an opportunity to encourage my parents as well that “what He has called me to, He will provide for.” My mom asked me again yesterday about buying the beds. I did not feel released in my heart to let her get the beds. I also knew that I wasn't taking on that debt... I felt that I was to Be Still and wait...
I also have been wanting new bedroom furniture for their room as the furniture in the girls' room now, although very nice is too big for that room and it is just too tight a fit. Again I felt I was to just "Be Still..."
So yesterday we bought some houses... Wouldn't you know that one of the houses we bought “just so happened” to have two twin beds complete with bed frame and headboards, and a dresser with a mirror and a tall dresser. All matching, all in great condition.
The beds... Oh the Lord knows me all too well... have mattress covers on them completely covering the mattresses. They are in good shape and perfect. I am still going to disinfect them but the fact that they look like new and have been protected by mattress covers was just the Lord saying He is thorough! The dressers are smaller and will fit in the room so much better. I am going to give all of my furniture (headboard, large dresser, armoire, and night stand) to a friend's sister who just went through a divorce and has nothing.
The Lord provided a complete bedroom set in great condition for my little girls. I felt like I was sitting in the Pittsburgh Airport all over again and I was having second thoughts about whether or not it was the Lord's will for me to go to China and asked Him for one more sign... the Halleluiah Chorus started playing at that very moment over the loudspeaker. (My favorite song of all times.)
So the Lord has just provided two beds (that are girly beds) and dressers... for free. Absolutely free. Oh, and I was also told there was a matching lamp.
When I went to meet with Joe a few weeks ago he had a word of encouragement for me that he believed was from the Lord. I won't share what he said, but it was more confirmation. If the Lord is encouraging me about adoption... then I guess I really have heard Him right that I am to adopt.
So I am getting ready... the time is drawing near. I also think it is interesting that I am just going to the agency that I believe is the right one for me. It would have never been my choice to go the foster route, but it seemed like one by one the Lord closed various doors and left the one opened He wanted me to walk through.
I feel like I am driving down a road and I am going the way I think I should go and then there is a detour. So I take the detour and try to go the direction I think I should be going and then the bridge is out. So I go a different direction. Then there is a train crossing the road and so I wait. The amazing thing (that chokes me up every time) is knowing He is doing the same thing with my children. They are going through a really hard time right now. They are slowly being led in my direction... and when the train passes and the railroad crossing gate goes up... there in front of me, waiting on the other side will be my children. Maybe the kids there might just be my temporary children and I am just to pick them up and keep them safe for a while, until I come to another railroad crossing... or maybe, just maybe I will get to take them home for good. Either way, God is showing me that He is in this and He is guiding me. (And that even if I think I am in the driver’s seat… He really is the one driving… which is exactly where I want to be.)
I remember sitting on a bus in China. I remember looking at the bus driver and overwhelmed with God’s Sovereignty. Here was a man that the Lord was using in a mighty way. He was helping me deliver the Word of God and he didn't even know it. The Lord was guiding his steps. He was personally delivering me to my contact and didn't know about the precious cargo he had on board... and yet the Lord used him.
That's what I think about when I think of caseworkers, the government and all the people involved to help make an adoption happen. They realize and "know" that they are part of the process... but it is so much bigger than that. Maybe the caseworker that I was supposed to have that would not have been helpful was sick that day and so I got the new, eager caseworker. Maybe they just had a training on something and it makes them aware of something they didn't know before. God has picked my caseworker already and she is perfect for me. My caseworker, in God's perfect timing will think of me for two little girls. God will have put that thought in her head. When the phone rings, if the kids aren’t the ones He wants for me the Lord will have me in the shower so I miss the call. He will be with me when I answer the phone and give me peace when I say, "Yes, I'll take them." He will be there if I have to give them back and help me do the very best while I have them, and He will be there when the court declares that I am now the forever mother of two little girls. Through it all, I really do trust Him for this and know He won't let me make a mistake on something this big... He will shut the door if it isn't His plan for me.
I am just so grateful that with every passing day I am more and more confident of His goodness and at peace with this decision. I will need to hold onto that certainty on the really hard days.
Thank you both for your encouragements and writing... it helps keep me sane.
Still have a bunch of real estate classes left. I am running out of energy... it is exhausting. I am not alone, my other class-mates felt like the class was just dragging tonight.
Oh well, this too shall pass. Just need to take one day at a time, and I am done for the week... Yeah!
Get the girls' beds Friday morning and a few dressers and a lamp. Still can't get over the Lord's goodness.
How are your sweet babies doing Sandy?
Rob, you still on the road a lot?
Be careful... Roads are slippy when they are wet.
Friday, 10 October 2008
TGIF! Although TRANSFORM is tomorrow, and I still have a couple of "little" projects that are keeping me busy through the next few days, AND that I still essentially set my own schedule... there's still something about the weekend, and I'm grateful for it.
How in the world are you, Sandy? You must laugh at Vicki and I talking about being busy when we still have so much freedom and free time in our lives. The weekend doesn't mean the same thing to you as it might to us. And, pretty soon, not to Vicki, either, when she gets her girls.
Well, I'll just have to be the selfish and hedonistic one, for the both of you. Yes, I'm willing to kick it up, a notch... or three just to keep the balance.
No need to thank me.
Gotta do some stuff and then head to an office for a few hours to mail/fax/print/send/call/whatever. Enjoy our "Indian Summer," this weekend! "Very warm," the forecast says... "In the upper 70's." Whew, I'm melting, already!
hi friends. yes, i have a few thoughts; some don't even have anything to do with poop or spitup. Kaleb has been sick since Thursday so that has kept me busy. I have not been feeling all that well either. most likely won't be in church. As for weekends...they are the days Jer is home. yes Vic, i agree with Rob. get as much info as you can, know what you can handle/are led to walk in. AND go no further.
I am in bed amd must sleep when the boysa do...like now. I miss not posting for real. sek
Sunday, 12 October 2008
Yo, Sandy!
While not physically sick, I've been feeling overwhelmed with some of the things coming up in the next two weeks, for me, so I stayed home from church to sleep and and try to slowly and purposefully look at what's going on.
It's an odd example, given my poor physical condition, but I remember that you need periods of rest to allow exercise to do its thing. Talking to consultants, reading books, listening to coaching materials on my iPod, starting to over-schedule and not asking enough questions has led to me feeling panicked, when, really, it's not that bad.
And how grateful I am to have a job where I can take a mental health day when I need to, when I can set my own schedule, and the like.
It's interesting, how some things are taking longer, some things are going faster... I feel the "soreness" of mental and emotional and career "exercise," and am seeing some of the fruit, as well. I still feel over-saturated, much of the time, but I'm trying to build in more breaks for me to absorb and process what's gong on around me.
Can you believe work is starting on YC09, already?
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Take time to keep yourself healthy and strong, Sandy!
I'd like to go to lunch with you guys after church, some Sunday, like old times, and catch up on everything. Or are those harder to do, with the little ones? There's always the crying baby room, at Hoss's (Joe calls that long room, furthest away from the cash register, that, since that's where they seem to put families with young kids).
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Vicki, what changes you're going through, as well.. changing doctor, meds, real estate classes, adoption classes, getting ready to become a foster/adoptive parent... wow!
My mom told me today that she updated my brother on what is going on with me regarding adoption.
He asked her if I was going through a mid-life crisis and if she had sat down and had a good talk with me yet. She told him she is looking forward to being a grandmother and is excited. I think he thinks we have all gone mad... and is planning an intervention. My very favorite comment he said though is, "I can't believe she will go to an agency and get kids, but she won't go to an agency and get a man." That was just cracked me up... I loved it.
Rob, I am proud of you for taking care of yourself. It is hard to stay in that field... it can be very political and I think that the politics are more draining than anything else.
I missed you today Sandy... the babies too. Maybe we can all go out to lunch next week. I love helping with the babies and it would be good to have some human contact... I don't get out much right now.
Stay in touch... and have a good week all...
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